Q: Asalmu alaikum brother, i have a HUGE problem that I just can`t stop worry about, wether i should tell me  husband or not..
i have been married for 3 years now alhamdullilla, im 21 years old, and my husband is 23, we didn`t marry in the right way, I was young and wanted to get out of my parents house, and when I met him I took advantage of the situation, but i loved him and still do..and even thou i was and still is, a bad wife, he has stood by my side more or less..

unfortunately I`m not a good muslim, i dont pray 5 times everyday, I`m not wearing hijhab, and I do things that a muslim sister shouldnt do..I know it might sound silly, but my faith in Allah and Mohammad (pbuh) is unlimited, but my iman is like a roller – coaster..I hope this is enough for you to get an impression about me..

I have done wrong things towards my husband, like going out with friends and drink, but only when I got busted, and one day i just couldnt take it anymore and told him everything i had done and wanted his forgiveness.. and miraculously he has forgiven me, because in the end he is the one i want to live my life with and untill now Allah has made that happen..

BUT i have a bigger problem i cant let go .. i have cheated on my husband, and this has happened through 3 years..and it was unfortunately not only once.. and when i think about it, i just cant find a reason for why i did it, other than that satan tricked me..and of course i regret! i regret so bad, and now when we finally seem to be having a good relationship and everything is going forward and we actually can consider having children in inshalla 2-3 years, i just cant help thinkin about that i want to tell him..i dont want to carry these great sins to the judgement day, i dont want to be the person with the flag in his hand so everybody can see who the cheater is, i dont want to be those that arent a part of islam, because mohammad (pbuh) did say that the one who cheats are not among us, i dont want to be stoned to death, i want Allah to forgive me and i want my husband sooo bad to know what an evil sin i did and still forgive me! ‘

My husband is the type of person who prays 5 times a day, he listens to the quran when he falls asleep and he is truly tryin to live the way Allah wants him to..and one day when i asked him what he would do if i cheated on him he simply said “arent you ashamed to even mention it?”

what on earth can i do ? should i tell him? cause how is Allah going to forgive me for such a deed i did towards my husband when my husband doesnt even know about it? and even if he did, what if he wont forgive me?

im sooo ashamed, i truly regret, im too afraid of the consequenses..and i just want to know your opinion on this..and i know i deserve death for this, but maybe im just naiv when i think Allah can forgive me and let this go and not give me the Sijiin book to my left hand on the day of judgement..what should i do sheikh?should i tell him? what can i do so Allah can forgive me?

Time: Tuesday December 27, 2011 at 8:14 pm

Answer: walaikumsalam,

Your final question is as follows: Do I tell my husband I have cheated or not?

Your husband gave you was warm, insightful and brilliant response when he said:  “arent you ashamed to even mention it?”

Deep down i am sure he knows that you may not be the best fit for him, yet he is willing to accept you as you are. After all, you are part of the creation of Allah (SWT.) Allah (SWT) loves you enough to create you, yet you have little to no confidence in being created for His purpose. One way you are being ungrateful is by persisting in wrongful actions. Sadly, you are a married woman, and a married woman (or man) should not cheat, for Allah (SWT) has blessed them with a spouse that is able to fulfill their adult related needs. If a spouse does not know better, then one should seek assistance in learning how to fulfill the needs of a partner. Additionally, by you having affair upon affair, you not only showing your rotten side, you are possibly showing the world how incompetent your husband is in fulfilling your adult related needs. (Imagine people looking at your husband and saying, we are intimate or have been intimate with his wife!) Yet, your husband has confidence that Allah (SWT) would change you. And yes, Allah (SWT) is slowly helping you attain your religious goal.

So what should you do? Bury your actions of adultery and unfaithfulness and accept your husband with open arms purely for the sake of your religion. Shaytan wants you to dwell on your rotten actions. Allah (SWT) wants you to put your evil past behind and focus on the positives.

I am glad you do not want kids at this point in your life, we have enough incompetent parents. I am glad you are willing to wait off until you mature to a level of attaining greater faithfulness to Allah (SWT,) your partner and yourself .

It is not the end of the world my sister, you can still change and always become a better person. Start with the five daily prayers, read Quran for a limited 30 minutes a day (a minimum of 15 minutes in the morning and 15 in the evening.) Listen to a good scholar for a dedicated 30 minutes a day. Take notes of the good you are doing and share it with your husband. Do all this for a minimum of 3 to 4 months and enjoy every bit of it, InshallAllah you shall see improvement. Allah (SWT) loves those that are consistent in doing good deeds.

Your email is sincerely appreciated.

Allah Certainly Knows Best.