Q: Asalamu Alaykum, I have a daughter that had ketib Iktab, so she is islamicly married. Her wedding is xxxx (date withheld for privacy) InshaAllah. My question is, how intimate can they be. She tells me her research said they can be as intimate as they want, but from what I understand is that they have to wait until after their wedding to have intercourse. I understand culture plays a role is some of our decisions and understanding , but I want to abide by what Allah asks of us. Please help me understand, what is the right thing to do? Jazakum Allah khairan
A: Walaikumsalam WRB:
Congratulations to each of you. May Allah (SWT) give barakah to the couple and their respective families, ameen.
When a couple is married in accordance with both Islamic principles and the laws of the land, there are no religious restrictions on the levels of intimacy they may share. If cultural customs suggest otherwise—especially when they introduce unnecessary delays or suppress the emotional and physical rights of either spouse—then Islamic guidance must take precedence over cultural expectations.
Islam upholds both modesty and mutual fulfillment within the marriage. Islam does not endorse deprivation or unjust restraint. While parents and elders may offer advice or express concern out of love or tradition, their role is advisory, not authoritative or that which contradicts Allah (SWT’s) commands. Once a marriage is valid, the couple deserves the freedom to grow together in love, trust, and emotional closeness—free from guilt, fear, or interference within the parameters of this Sacred religion.
Marriage in Islam is not merely a contract; it is a sanctuary. Within this sacred space, love, intimacy, and connection are not only permissible—they are divinely blessed.
May Allah (SWT) bless your daughter and son-in-law with deep affection, barakah, and a lifetime of peace and companionship. I understand the challenge of navigating the delicate balance between culture and religion. Alhamdulillah, they are now husband and wife. May Allah grant them success in both this world and the next. Ameen.
Allah Certainly Knows Best.