Q: Salaamu alaikum brother

Im not sure how to start this my husband and i got married two years ago and  we have not been doing well i have asked for divorce and he has as well. Everything is going wrong i cheated on him. I did not sleep with the other man but we did other stuff. My husband and i are not living in the same area together i am at the moment visiting my parents… When he came to visit the other weekend i was not able to look at him in the eye. I dont know what to do im lost. Im not a girl who does stuff like this im losing what i have in my hands which is my deen. The Prophet (SAW) said there are more women than men in jahanam. I have went through so much in life: sexually abused at age 5, found out i have epilepsy at age 13, found out i could not have babies at age 16, had drinking problems from age 18-21 (i dont drink anymore), my husband getting possessed one first year of our marriage (age 22 Alhamdulilah he seems better),  and now i cheated on him. I think he is better off without me.
Time: December 22, 2014 at 12:32 AM

A: Walaikumsalam
One of the signs of faith is that a person would be embarrassed about the wrongs they have committed. Your first step in change is your acknowledgment of anything that you had done that was not good or even moral in nature. Accepting your wrong is part of faith. Working towards a change is also part of Imaam. Ask Allah (SWT) for forgiveness and do not repeat this type of behavior.

• Shaytan is assisting you when you say: ‘i think he is better off without me.’ If Allah (SWT) did not find you both to be good together, He would have not have had you both get married. It appears you both can make it work. Just make better choices.
• It is apparent that you have been through a lot in life. You do seem much stronger than many others. Greater strength is acquired by greater levels of spirituality. And this strength comes with doing good things consistently.   Allah (SAW) has been very kind to you as well. You cannot become a victim of your past, you also cannot let a poor past become the catalyst for you to make wrongful decisions. We are to be responsible for everything we do.

One way to let go of past negatives is to start doing the following: make tauba (seek continual repentance for minor as well as major sins), pray on time, be regular in giving charity —  even if it is a mere dollar, support good projects in and out of your community. Help others overcome their difficulties and not seek anything in return except from Allah (swt).
As far as the other man is concerned, do everything you can to remove your contact with him. This will be best for you.
Allah certainly knows best.