Q: Assalamualikum, I got married only 3 weeks ago. It was a settled marriage. However, I spoke her twice before our marriage. I asked her privately whether she had any affairs. She replied, “Never.” I stressed that I’m very sensitive about past affairs and would not accept it if I know it in future. She replied, “she is also sensitive about it”. I assured her that I’ll not tell anyone, will just reject the marriage proposal without blaming her. She replied, “nothing happened like that”.
I lived with her only one week and then, left her for joining my office. At the end of 2nd week, I came to know that she was in a relationship earlier. She now confirmed that she was in relationship for about 5/6 months. However, she is claiming that she was not serious about the relation, she just did it for fun and nothing happened physically. She is appolysing for hiding from me. To make me believe, she wants to tell by touching Holy Quran that the boy did not touch her.
However, it is aparent (to me) from her breasts that someone touched her earlier. I told this first night! I was also confused about her virginity. Now, I hate her body very much, very much. Acoording to Quran and Hadith, what should I do??
Note: I am very well-established and she is a rare beauty. Considering her future suffering, I tried to forgive her. But when I hear her voice, I start to hate her and can’t continue conversation. Now we are living in two different country. I’m bound to consider to divorce her.
Time: January 11, 2015 at 2:58 PM
- Although a woman does not have to tell you everything about her past, her doing so just made matters unfavorable for the both of you.
- Shaytan has a way of making situations worse. Shaytan will always provoke you regarding this negative about her. Therefore the following is suggested: a)if you feel that this incident cannot be overcome by you, it is best you part ways. Or b)forgive her and ask her to be honest from here on.
- Neither of the above is a surety that there will be a successful outcome, however, it is worth a try.
- Additionally, if you do choose to divorce her, what guarantee do you have that this will not happen again? And if it does happen again, how many times are you going to get divorced before you meet the ‘perfect’ person? I have discussed with many men and woman to come to minor conclusion that a poor past alone does not negate a happy future. You may just need to reestablish newer boundaries. Do not let your past expectancy violations affect future positive results.
- If she is done with this past fellow(s), there is no need to hold it against her. With various media applications and current opportunities that promote fraternization between persons, it is very difficult to find a person that has never been touched by another — either voluntarily or otherwise. Yes, it is easy to judge the lives of others and say how bad they are, however, it is next to impossible to find a person that is also liked by you and has also lived a ‘pure’ life. But again, if you feel that it is difficult for you to continue with this relationship in a harmonious manner, than do realize, in this world we would very seldom find a perfect mate.
Choose accordingly.
Allah Certainly Knows Best.
p.s. it also appears you going on some strange stereotypes regarding the idea of ‘virginity.’ If i am reading you correctly, how does breasts indicate loss of virginity? Kindly contact your local mufti for greater clarity as to the above.
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