Question:

i’ve got a friend who is about to get married to her boyfriend without her family knowing she’s doing it all for the right reasons but what it is that she isn’t goin to live with him or tell family but in 5 years time she plans on telling family. I’ve tried to stop her but she isn’t listenin her “boyfriend” is finding quotes from the quran and hadiths saying that this is acceptable i was wondering wether you could get back to me with quotes from the quran and quotes from hadiths explaining why this is wrong.

Thank You

Time Sent: Monday June 8, 2009

Answer:

Here are our proofs. Below we share our opinion for all to understand

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1. Islam, like all traditional religions does not allow secret dating or the concept of ‘boyfriends’ and ‘girlfriends’ as you have outlined. Any relationship built  upon the justification of haraam (or an evil action) cannot ever gain its true necessary success.  This ‘boyfriend’ already knows this, due to him quoting hadith and Quran to his haraam mate! How more can a person insult Quran and hadith! Can a person eat pork whilst having the luxury of other foods while claiming that the Quran does allow for its consumption under extreme moments of starvation! You and your friend need to evaluate the type of people you hang around with. Allah (Subhanahu Wata’Ala)states: stay in the company of those that are obedient and truthful to Allah and his Messenger (SAW)
2. Women traditionally suffer more from such hasty or ill founded decision making process then men. Woman from reputable families minimize their success of good marital propositions once they have embarked upon on such a slippery slope. As the Hadith states: Truth (and a lifestyle linked to it) brings contentment to the heart, deception destroys a person. (Hadith) Living a life fulfilling ones lusts is a life of falsity, and it should be abstained. Pursuing a man/woman without parental consent is linked more to lust and disobedience then religion.
3. People that take part in secret marriages — although at first it seems like the right thing to do, over a period of time such persons accept their wrongful choices. This is either out of guilt, shame, emotional blackmail, or as a result of committed actions that surface which limits future interpersonal success. Shaytan knowing that you are vulnerable, toys with the mind by saying: you are doomed, no one is ever going to accept you, not even Allah (Subhanahu Wata’Ala.) (based on ayah) Allah (Subhanahu Wata’Ala) states:  shaytan beautifies to wrong doers their wrongful deeds. Once they are placed in the midst of a quagmire, shaytan flees leaving them in an embroiled dilemma.
4. If she is going to inform her family, it would be a major violation of trust to do so after 5 years. It is best to deal with the matter now then later. All major fuqaha agree: such a secret marriage would be reprehensible. It is worthy of the anger of Allah (Subhanahu Wata’Ala). The emotional state of the couple would be a reflection of this. Allah (Subhanahu Wata’Ala) loves calmness, when we violate His commands, calmness goes away from our lives. (Derived from quran.)
5. People that get tasks accomplished by manipulating sharia never find barakah in their deeds. Never be like shaytan and justify actions that would divide a family. It is best for him to state: My desires are the overriding factor of my wanting marriage to occur.  A person not qualified in the area of sharia has no license to quote and interpret, more so, when s/he is unaware of the all the data and implications of a given quotation and its interpretation. We should stay aloof from such deviant persons, more so when they impose their given data as absolute to fulfill a personal adgenda. Such data sharing is a conflict of interest.
   
6. The only condition for a secret marriage would be that they are about to commit adultery. Such does not seem to be the case. Even under such conditions it remains a reprehensible act, for one must not place themselves in such a situation. (Hadith – from the books of usool as linked to hadith, etc)
7. Once married, if in secret, your friend must realize that nothing prevents him from walking out, she would be stuck in the relationship once her honor has been lost. She opens herself to many abuses and accusations. Any person that wants to break the laws of Allah cannot be trusted with rules of compassion towards humanity. We must insist of staying away from the Agents of shaytan.
8. All major imaams agree that such marriage is a mockery of sharia, unless exceptional circumstances surround it. Seethe following three articles by us.

Allah Certainly Knows Best.

p.s. It is out of kindness that we are giving you hadith and ayats as proof. Proof need not be given to people that are limited in their knowledge of Arabic and its link to methods of deriving laws from Quran, Hadith and Sunnah, etc.  It is nice to request such data, but it is of little use to the average person. Seldom do we see doctors teaching people on the street about the proofs of hearth or brain surgery. Other then entertainment, such data sharing functions for little benifit. May Allah (Subhanahu Wata’Ala) help your friend make a decision that would her stand proud of herself, her family – present and future.

p.ss. please have the brother send us his set of proofs that allows him to go forth with such a marriage.