Q. Dear Brother/Sister in Islam,

Asalamu alaykum!

I am a muslim convert for 2 years now. I got married and now my husband is divorcing me because he like to marry another lady and he cannot afford to provide financially for 2 wives. I believe that I had given all my best to be a good wife to him. Even I’m not born as a muslim, I was clean when he got me as his wife. I’m his first wife and he is my first husband.

I feel so bad about his reasons. It doesn’t make sense at all. I tried still to win him back, but I already reach the point of making myself so low, begging for him to stay with me still.

My heart loves him so much, but my mind is now getting rebellious. I just want now to let go but at the same time I want to know what rights I have because we dont have children.

Please advise me as soon as possible. Thank you and Allah Hafiz!

Sincerely,

xxx (name withheld)

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May Allah accept your conversation to Islam. May you be rewarded for all your challengers, Ameen.

Although you feel that there is no need for a divorce, sometimes it is best to accept our given situation, then lament about it, or live in denial as to focus only on the positive past aspects of the relationship. It would be preferred for you to find someone that would appreciate you then live with a person that possibly resents you. This is neither fair nor healthy to either party or parties that are close to the both of you.

Begging people can make matters worse. Begging a spouse could make a spouse resent you. For some, forcing persons to be in a relationship could have an adverse affect, more so, when they are seeking to exit the given marital domain.

As we have stated previously: ‘You are not required to endure any type of anxiety or patience if the man you are with possesses loose morals in the form of having relationships with others that Islam prohibits. Compatibility in marriage is essential. It is built on trust and following the commands that both parties believe in. Marital partners that are not compatible, result in a relationship filled with unwanted conflicts and higher levels of marital uncertainty and dissatisfaction. It is best you walk out now than suffer the unbearable grief and agony of divorce upon having a family with children.  Although we don’t encourage divorce, sometimes its best to cut your losses and walk away when you feel you cannot do justice to the rights of another.’

Your rights are the ones Islam gives you. Some of them are as follows: not marry another if the country allows for multiple marriages and an agreement existed between the both of you prior to your marriage. Once divorced, he must get you back to your parents home under safe conditions once the divorce has occurred,  make arrangements to pay of monies he owes you, expenditure linked towards your  iddat period unless you forgo it, you must complete your Idaat, for a pregnant woman, her iddat would end upon birth of child, etc. These basic rules can be outlined to you by your local scholar as well.

More importantly, I would request you to do some soul searching with the following in mind: why would a man truly divorce a person that claims to be as innocent as you purport? To us this makes little sense. But then, it takes all types to live with in this world.

Allah Certainly Knows Best.