Q. My children are hooked on the cell phone and the internet. They sleep late talking in various chat rooms on the phone and computer. My one child’s marriage is a mess due to one of the parties in the marriage having a cell-phone affair (if it can be called that). Can you give me tips of how to deal with this new crises in my life?
A. It is not a new crisis, as cell phones and the internet have both been around for a while … roughly for more than a decade. Parents and children from all walks of life have taken benefit as well as deal with its consequences. Like many others, only when the pot got a little too hot did you awaken.
Despite these two technologies having great benefits, they both have become tools filled with many inappropriate practices. It is like a dagger possessing multiple sharp points, if these sharp points are not utilized as they should be, then the consequences are placed upon the user and those who surround him/her. Unwanted blood is spilled due to its irresponsible usage. Despite parents knowing this, it continues to become the first choice for a gift, or as a reward for a good grade, or still yet, merely to make the child happy. This is indeed dangerous. Some suggestions to protect ourselves and our families from this fitna are:
An evaluation must be made if a child needs a phone. Is the child in a hostile environment and thus needs to be in contact with the parents at odd hours? (Well, for starters, a child should not be in such an environment!) If the child is at the babysitter, then why not call the babysitter directly? If the child is at school, can the school not be contacted regarding the child? Finally, how did parents of the past raise their children and yet continue to maintain great contact with their children? Sadly, in today’s time we have all the great tools of contact, but yet our children are school suffering from loneliness, abandonment, etc. Why is this? Simply, you cannot leave them on the internet, or cell phone and think it is a quick-fix to your problems. This advice is to save us from lamenting later on. But then, some prefer to learn through personal experience the hard way.
Regarding those youth who do need a phone, and have a need for the internet, a phone can be given for the time required with appropriate monitoring. Once a man said the following regarding his children: “I cannot monitor my children all the time, I believe in trust.” His child took advantage of this and became a night owl, taking part in all types inappropriate chatter, causing a wreck in her marriage. A husband, after all, need not be as trusting as the father and mother. Save your children from lowly actives, and save your future the grief!
Pertaining to technology, unless parents are into it, it would be safe to say, and parents would also acknowledge, that children are more knowledgeable about the various technologies that exist. Some parents rely on their children to aid them regarding the various technologies, or for that matter, attaining data from the net. Children easily hide that which would get them into trouble. Let’s save ourselves the hassle, let’s aid in being responsible parents, give our children the necessary tools to make them a success, and not an impediment to society.
Allah certainly knows best.
