Q: Asalamu’Alaykum shaykhuna. A child at (time and location withheld) asked a question in an event held at (xxxx-name of institution withheld) 1st how did the moderators allow the question to go through 2nd as an imaam dont you feel that these questions allow for evil thoughts to permeate in a musjid setting are inappropriate.  The child asked can a man have 4 wives n be w all of them at the same time? We had people over at lunch on sunday and this was the conversation and many adults felt that you have really gone over board with your liberal ways. These are 11 to 16 yr olds for gods sake. What was going through the musjids mind when they were planning events. Also, how would you answer this question? Jazakumallah, Aa Ahsanal Jaza

A: Walaikumsalam, May Allah (SWT) reward you for avoiding gossip and asking me directly about this matter. I was not present at the event. This event was held by some passionate folks within our community that intended well. I agree, intention alone in Islam is not good enough. For the good, may Allah (SWT) reward them, for any short comings, may Allah (SWT) forgive us all. My position does not allow me to control speech and inquiries of anyone, however, here is a response for those concerned.

First and foremost, here is my thought process:  The above question by the child likely slipped through moderation due to oversight. While the masjid maintains decorum, youth have genuine curiosity and shutting down questions can push them to seek answers elsewhere. The response should be educational yet modest, redirecting the discussion to responsibilities and also upholding the law of the land. Not being present, I do not know how it was responded to, however, knowing the guest, I think he may have answered it well. Future events should pre-screen questions and have a clear framework for handling sensitive topics appropriately in a larger public setting. As for your other inquires and implications, Insha’Allah, if time permits, I will answer them after Ramadaan.

My response to the child: As a child, your focus should be on your education, excelling in your studies and securing a stable future before thinking about marriage. Life brings many responsibilities—being a spouse and a parent requires emotional, financial, and social maturity. Personal growth is equally important; developing emotional intelligence, critical thinking, and problem-solving skills will prepare you for the challenges of adulthood.

Allah says in the Quran: If you fear that you will not be just, then [marry only] one. (Surah An-Nisa 4:3). In the USA, the law prohibits having multiple wives at once, and as Muslims, we are guided by another principle: Do not place yourself or your family in harm. Thus, in reality, there would be no need to go further with your question. However, let me further enrich you as a child a little more.

For those in countries where polygamy is permitted, it is accompanied by significant responsibilities—ensuring financial stability, providing emotional care, and maintaining absolute fairness between spouses. These duties are not to be taken lightly, as they demand a high level of wisdom, maturity, and self-discipline. The Quran explicitly warns against injustice in such matters, stating: You will never be able to do perfect justice between wives, even if it is your ardent desire (4:129). This serves as a reminder that polygamy is not merely a right filled with games and fun but a profound responsibility that requires careful consideration, spiritual grounding and a sincere commitment to upholding justice and compassion in all aspects of life.

If I may add, the manner in which you have asked the question implies that you are viewing polygamy in the manner articulated in western culture via a stereotypical lens — as something fun and game. Thus, it is more important that you are thought the basics of Islam and Islamic character than the topics possibly discussed at the event. Knowledge comes in stages, skipping a stage causes larger foundational issues.

So young man, I am sure you mean well, and I am sure you wanted to humor your friends with this question, however, if you have all of the above in place, you are welcome to ask this question again, this time to me, and I will answer how you can live with four wives while married to them all at once in a country that allows for it.

Allah Certainly Knows Best.

P.s. As an imam, I also teach adult related matters to youth, however, I do it through a book called Talemul-Haqq for beginners and from a book called Reliance of the Traveler for those at college. These books do not dive directly into sexuality, but rather cover the basics and works it way to the most essential matters. Your child is welcome to join.