Q: My brother says. it is so hard being a muslim. Everything is haram. Everything is don’t do this and don’t do that. Meat haram, clothing haram, bad words haram, hoilidays haram, hair style haram, friends haram. rap haram, diddy haram. They making life haram’ My brother is x (age withheld). Its getting difficult for my parents. I am his older sister. I want him to enjoy life and not be like me. How can I help my parents and myself navigate with him. JAK Former MIU student. Some teachers also make everything haram and they create fear yet they have daugheters and sons that so the same out of islamic society. I know jahanan is bad. But why talk about it to a kid. My Bother is now at MIU. Please take care of him. JAK
A: You seem like a loving sister to your bother, may Allah (SWT) reward you for this thought provoking observation and question and seeking a religious based solution.
Living in a world where we are surrounded by a variety of cultural influences and ‘competing values’ can be challenging. As Muslims, it is crucial to navigate these influences while maintaining our Islamic values. Simply labeling things as “haram” without offering thoughtful explanations or alternatives can create distance between us and our children. This is important within this given generation. Instead of just stating that certain meats are haram, surprise them with a delicious halal version of their favorite dish. This not only satisfies them but also opens a door for a meaningful conversation. Share knowledge without preaching as to why it is halal. Explain that just as different people follow different diets, we too have guidelines that emphasize what is spiritually and physically beneficial. As Allah (SWT) says in the Qur’an: “O mankind, eat from whatever is on earth [that is] lawful and good and do not follow the footsteps of Shaytan. Indeed, he is to you a clear enemy” (Qur’an, 2:168).
When it comes to clothing, rather than condemning certain styles as haram, gently guide them towards understanding the beauty and value of modesty that is rooted in Islamic principles. The Rasool (SAW) said, “Modesty is part of deen” (Paraphrase-Hadith). Encourage children to see the wisdom in dressing modestly, focusing more on the core teachings of Islam rather than the shifting trends of culture. Share this insight and let them choose, when they choose correctly, encourage them, when they make errors, do not huff and puff and blow the entire house down.
Regarding holidays like Christmas, which some may view as overly commercialized, offer alternatives that still create special memories. For instance, taking them on an Islamic retreat during this time gives them a meaningful experience. This way, when their friends ask, “What did you do during the holidays?” they can proudly say, “We traveled to Toronto,” or wherever the retreat was held, without needing to highlight the religious aspect if they feel uncomfortable. Children do not want and need to make everyone Muslim, they just want to fit in!
Children often shy away from overt religious discussions—they want to enjoy their time, fit in, and focus on their studies. By creating a positive and nurturing environment where their faith feels natural, not forced, we can foster their spiritual growth in a way that enriches their lives without overwhelming them. As Allah (SWT) reminds us, “Call to the way of your Lord with wisdom and good instruction, and argue with them in a way that is best” (Qur’an, 16:125). This wisdom can guide us in balancing faith and the world for our children.
Have your brother drop by and talk to me, if any of this is unclear. May Allah (SWT) give younger brothers a good caring concerned sister like you, inshaAllah, ameen.
Allah Certainly Knows Best.