Dear Imaam, Asalam Alaykum.

I got married in September 2014. My sister got married in January 2015. Our question is on nafqa. The expenditure of a husband on his wife. In my case, my husband gives me 240 dollars every month. My sister gets no money at all. However, he has told her that whatever are her necessities she must ask him and he would get whatever she wants. Knowing my sister she just wants the money to play around. Show off. Give a few dollars to my mother and bride the family so she can do her nonsense. I think he knows this imaam. He has given her clothing for marraige, socks, shoes, stockings, jackets, sweaters, phone, food, paid for her to have her theeth and eyes checked, and jewerlry to look nice in front of guests. She is just upset that she is not getting money in her hand. She compares her self to me. But I did not get any jewery at my nikah because my husband is still a stucend and I want him to pay his education off before spending more money on me. Even the money he gives me I buy him clothing and try to spend on him. So can you please clarify.

A: Walaikumsalam warah matullahi wabarakatu,

Expenditure upon the wife becomes necessary after nikah. However, it does not always have to be given in a monetary manner. Some woman may find it difficult to ask for their rights, in such a situation a husband can either: A) Give her money to fulfill her needs. B) Inform her to do her shopping and have the bill sent to him (credit card etc). Or c) Fulfill her necessities by buying for her the things she needs.

In the case of each of you, your husbands could both well be correct. However, it appears that your brother-in-law is providing things for her as it relates to her everyday needs. In-fact it appears that he is giving her above of what she may need. Alhamdulillah, that is a good thing, and may Allah (SWT) reward him for that.

However, if she feels that she still has other needs that need to be fulfilled, for example, money for candy and a nice book with an occasional cup of tea from Starbucks, she should ask for an extra allowance to cover such expenses. If he suspects mismanagement of financial resources, he could use alternative ways to assist her with her wants.

Woman and men must both realize, marriage is not an atm machine. Both parties have rights and obligations. If she feels that she must have more luxuries than those that have been awarded to her, she is welcome to seek an income in a way that maintains the dignity of her family. If he feels betrayed by her, than Islam has also given him alternatives. More essential, couples must be realistic in their wants and needs.

Under basic rules of nafqa, it appears that your sister is being greedy. She has more than what majority of woman attain in many of the poorer countries. Such greed in understandable in modern times, mainly as a result of what has been shared to many of our youth through the media under the notion of ‘sweeping the woman of her feet’ factor. We also know, sweeping people of their feet comes at a price, and sometimes that price is the addition of unwanted conflict and possible breakup.

Start simple; be honest to each other about where each of you stand. If parties are accepting, move on. If one senses that the relationship would be a continual uphill battle, it is better to decide from the get go as to whether the couple should be together. Please do not think that producing babies in such a situation would make a man spend more on you, or living under the idea that s/he would eventually come right. A leopard does not change its spots.

Allah Certainly Knows Best.