Q: My own guilt Recently, I cheated on my wife of six years. She is Muslim, and at the time I was christian. During our marriage, she has always been rather cold in bed, despite my best efforts. This, ultimately, is how I was weak and let her down. I tried to keep it from her, and I felt terrible and had to be honest with her. I currently am living at a friend’s home because she is angry and does not like to see me. During this problem, I have converted to Islam due to the answers I received from my prayers. Now, I am concerned about helping her heal from this pain and if I will ever me Halaal for her again. I am also very concerned about what Islam says about this, because I am only recently converted. I told her three weeks ago. Since then she has gone out with me and the kids multiple times. She allows me to hug her and kiss her face, but she is cold as stone when I do. I know it takes time for things to heal, but I am scared that my acceptance of Allah has come to late for my marriage. Please tell me if there is anything I can do to make this right with Allah and her through Islam. Shokran, Salaam Alaykum.

A: Your email presents enormous amount of legitimate questions that need to be answered prior to us giving you a fully effective response.  For example, at what point did you get married. The children issue – when did she give birth to them? How many are yours? How many were born before you became Muslim, how many after? Thus, I am to limit my response to rekindling the flame that has been lost.

• In Islam, we are called upon to be safe to ourselves and those that surround us. For the health and safety of both of you, kindly take a good blood test to ensure that you do not have any disease. To transmit a disease (intentionally) is a sin. Having a disease is not the end of the world; health and safety matters need to be negotiated between the both of you.
• It is not that your wife was cold, she may have not known better. People are of differing types. Some woman feel the need to play ‘hard to get,’ some do not know how to better express themselves, some are just aggressive in the manner in which they present themselves.  If she did not like you, she would not have been with you. Be as it may, men and woman can always be thought on how to assist in fulfilling the needs of another. This requires communication as well as an open mind. I am glad we both seem to agree, cheating and not dealing with the problem is the cowards’ way out.
• I do not know if you both made the nikah. Sure, you may be married in accordance to state (law/legal) requirements, however, nikah is required for a person to be married under religious commandment.
• Regarding that which she already knows and has information upon, inform her of your mistakes and that you are willing to do whatever it takes within the parameters of religion, law and common sense to put right your errors. If you cheated for 6 years, try and be the most faithful for 6 years to her as atonement for relational infidelity. Inform her as to your likes and dislikes and help yourselves be the best to one another. As far as information she is not aware of, there would not be a need to share that which could possibly create bigger problems. Stay with the known facts.

As far as Allah (SWT) is concerned, all He demands is that you seek forgiveness from people for wrongs you have committed to them.  As for crimes committed to Allah (SWT), merely ask Him for forgiveness and let go of bad behaviors so as to attain greater closeness to Allah S(WT).

Allah Certainly Knows Best.