Q: Salamualikum, I am newly married. I luv my mother and i luv my husband. I try to repect them both. My mother sometimes makes things difficult for me. When I do not listen to her she tells me I made dua Allah finds you a husband now you do my na farman (disobedience) to me.  when I am with my husband n do not listen 2 him he says ‘why did do u ever get married if your mother is so important2u n u only listen to her.

So who do i listen 2? i just hate all this conflict. Thanks Imaam.

Thankx

Salams

A: Waalikumsalam,

In religion, a husbands as well as mother remain significant in the lives of those that have them both.   However we must understand that Islam has also established boundaries that we too must be aware off as it relates to members of the family. Knowing this would eliminate much anxiety.

As a general rule, do not disobey anyone when they are conveying good to you. Similarly, ‘good’ has many categories and different people are called upon to be respected in different ways.  We all agree, to obey anyone in matters of wrong contributes to a weaker faith and could result in sin. Thus, you must know your deen to make a better evaluation of matters requested of you. Additionally, when a woman is married to a pious husband, naturally he would be given preference.

For example, when confronted by two people that want you to listen to them, first see who is correct in light of faith – Qur’an, Sunnah, and from the examples of the truly pious etc. See who is more worthy of respect at that given time in light of deen.  If it is a personal matter between spouses, and spouses have agreed to resolve it under religious diktat, parents should not be offended. Parents can give additional advice, however, parents must not take offense if ideas are rejected. Our deen give us many positive options.  For matters relating to parent and child, the same would be said to the spouse.

When you choose your husband due to him being more correct, do not get angry at your mother. Just be silent or as nice as possible.  (nice as possible would be a better choice. If you must give your mother a reason for her being incorrect, do so at the correct time, be very gentle and do so only with extreme love, affection and politeness.

May Allah (SWT) make matters easy between family members, ameen.

Allah Certainly Knows Best.