Q. I received engagement rings and gifts, and I want to know: must we return everything to my ex-fiancé? He cheated on me twice so my mother broke it off between us. Now my mom wants to know if we must give it all back or if we keep it as gifts?

A. Engagements are part of a ‘conditional situation’ that results in a man and woman showing each other an honest intent towards marriage. The gifts in the likes of rings, jewelry, watches, etc. are ‘conditional gifts’ to show ‘good faith’ with the primary intent of marriage. Sometimes it is also to show caring and affection for the desired parties.

Engagement rings are also to show to the general public that a particular woman is in the process of getting married to a given man, and another proposal must not come forth until a final decision has been made regarding the future of the couple. Thus, engagement gifts, as well as engagements rings are part a promise to get married, with the condition of possibly breaking things off at the discretion of either party.

Should the latter take place, each party must return the other’s valuables. If, however, both parties agreed in advance or at the time of the engagement in the presence of appropriate witnesses that whatever had been given was gifted without the condition of marriage, then the gifts can be kept by the party that agreed to such a clause. Please note, that this is usually never the case.

Perishables would not be part of that which need to be returned, nor its value…unless the given perishable were not meant for consumption, and were to be kept refrigerated until the day of the wedding, which is very seldom the case. It is generally assumed that each party would satiate themselves with such consumables, or would have disposed of such perishables by the time the break-up occurred.

Depending on your situation, should you and your ‘kind mother’ choose to give it all back, please document the entire situation, have appropriate witnesses present so to prevent any accusatory comments and improprieties.

May Allah find you a better spouse in exchange of your sabr (patience) and honesty, Ameen.

Allah certainly knows best.

P.S. It amazes us that your mother is more impressed and wanting to keep the gifts than being proud of having her daughter safe and free from a cheater – if he really is that. If it was a family member of mine, I would recommend that she give him his artifacts back, so both can move on with dignified partners.