Question 1)

How do i confront a person that has backbitten about me?

Question 2)

Assalamualaikum,

According to Islam what is the nice way to tell a person(who is senior than me) that he/she is backbiting to me? or should I just be quiet and don’t correct?

Is it true that if I could criticized a person in front of him then I could talk about that behind him too?would that still be backbiting?

Time: Tuesday August 25, 2009 at 3:30 pm

Answer to question 1: ?????? ?????? ????? ???? ???????

If you have proof that a person is backbiting, you have the following the choices:

• Confront the person and have the person who possibly conveyed that message to you become your enemy. The person who spoke ill of you may relish this new conflict. You may lose two friends rather than one!
• Forgive the person and pray for their betterment of character
• Or merely say the following to the backbiter: “I know that I sometimes do things that may not be the most favorable; however, regarding your claim of X, y and Z, I honestly may have given you a false impression. The truth of the matter is that you are incorrect in your assertions. Let us not become distant and make shaytan happy as a result of your given claims
• Backbiting is against the Quran. It cannot be done under general circumstances

If you feel that the matter would be blown out of proportion, then forgive the person and be more cautious with the type of people you befriend. If it is a family member, then be cautious of your verbal and nonverbal cues towards them as well. This is the best approach for greater relational success.

Here is what is derived from a hadith for the improvement of our character:

To criticize anyone wrongfully would break a person’s heart. To knowingly hurting people without justification is against Islam. To correct a person in a nice compassionate manner reaps greater reward. To conceal a person’s fault after correcting them is a superior deed.  As we learn from the Ahadeeth, Allah (Subhanahu Wata’Ala) would protect our faults if we conceal the faults of others (derived from Hadith.)

(Being Ramadan, if one is fasting, backbiting has the ability to lower the quality of a given fast. Refrain from it at all costs.)

Answer to question 2: Tell the person the following:

‘You are my senior, and i really respect you. Others also respect you. Although there is a possibility that what you may be saying is truthful in nature, the information does not benefit me. You seem like a good person. I honestly think that if you prayed for the well being of Mr./Mrs./Ms X, that would be so much more better.’ Thereafter immediately switch the subject. Insha-Allah this would function as you not being part of that which is forbidden.

Insha-Allah this approach fulfills the criteria of commanding good and prohibiting evil as outlined in the Quran. The reward for this would be supreme, insha-Allah.

Allah Certainly Knows Best.