Asalamualikom,

In some cultures they first do an engagement and then a year or 2 later do marriage. People in my family always do Nikah during the engagement time along with always a third party there if the two couples were to see one another. I know once nikah is done they are literally married, but they still wait till the whole process of “wedding” is done. (Comment box)

Answer: (Response)

*now this is what some call, ‘halaal dating!’

Key facts: as you have described, it seems like in your ‘family,’  the men/woman are married at the time of engagement. Seemingly the marriage during this time remains a time for the boy/girl to better understand each another.

Only complication we have seen in the above is as  follows: boy/girl never takes part in shared intimacy because (sometimes) parents place a strict and well imposed and highly secured limitations; to stop a married couple from halaal actions is haram. If you don’t trust them, then don’t get them married!  (This is what those surrounded by the issue tell us.) Adult activities only take place once girl/boy has attained USA greencard/passport. This manipulation in islam is wrong.

Only positive that sometimes results during this so called engagement (which is really marriage) is that when the boy/girl feels they don’t like each another they can each move on. Issue gets complicated when one party refuses to move on, more so when the male refuses to take the hint of talaq…

Statistically, the marriage you have described remain within a particular family or close net work/culture. To such persons is also the motto: until death do we part!  Such is viewed as an infringement by westernized Muslims.

The ‘process of the wedding’ as you have termed it in reality is not really a wedding; it is a mere farewell, or a belated wedding party to show acceptance (of many months/years of awating or the celebration of ones endurance to personal torture or patience)….

(Student 745)

(assisted/approved by the Imaam)