Q. We got married on the phone with witnesses. My parents knew her, she knew my parents. I live in America, she lives in Malaysia. The 3^rd party which helped with the fixing were given false data, and gave false data to both sides to make this marriage go through. This was found out 2 years into our marriage. We have not met face to face yet. She does not want to go through with the marriage. She says that the foundation is weak because of lies and wants to dissolve the marriage saying that if Allah wills, later on we can get remarried. There is no later on for me. I do not want to give her the divorce, for the lies were not our fault. She is insisting on the divorce; now what do I do, do I have to give her the divorce?

A. Third parties generally feel they have done you both a favor, and usually walk away, or make matters worse. If they are of rational and non-arrogant temperament, then ask them for clarification. Also, both of you have to examine the type of deception that took place. Did the third party lie about critical beliefs and values, as to the chastity of the woman/man, belief in Allah and Rasulullah (Sallallaahu alayhi wa sallam) or was it lies that pertained to the intended husband having a Mercedes while, in reality, he owned a beat up Jeep? Or was the lie regarding her cooking skills when in reality she has to wait for food to arrive from ‘mommas kitchen?’ After you have evaluated the type of lies, you both would have to see if those lies would really inhibit the growth of the relationship. If it turns out that you both are always going to ‘dump truck’ the past, and bring up every little thing that was talked about during the premarital stage, then in the interest of your future, it would be best that you both go to local mufti or someone you both trust, and have the matter fully resolved before consummation of the marriage takes place.

Regarding divorce, be very careful when considering it, although, every healthy religion would sanction it for its members. Marriage should not be a prison for either party. Nor should you keep her inside the marriage as if she is a hostage. To illustrate, the Holy Quran states:

Divorce may be (pronounced) twice, (thereafter, if you wish to keep her, of course after making a nikah) then keep (the wife) in good honor or let (her) go with kindness; and it is not lawful for you to take any part of what you have given them, unless both fear that they cannot keep within the limits of Allah; then if you fear that they cannot keep within the limits of Allah, there is no blame on them for what she gives up to become free thereby. These are the limits of Allah, so do not exceed them and whoever exceeds the limits of Allah these it is that are the unjust.

(2:229)

After having the appropriate discussions with legitimate 3^rd party members who are viewed as credible to both of you, if either party still wishers to pursue divorce, then it is best that each of you go your separate ways, for Islam allows for it. Do not hold her captive by preventing her from a happier life. How can you both live in peace if you both are always going to be stuck upon the past? Thus, as much as we despise divorce, if a need for divorce exists, then Insha-Allah, Allah the true Finder would find for both of you compatible mates later on.

In all fairness to her, should you refuse to divorce her, she should consult a legal body in Malaysia regarding the matter. They would take the necessary steps upon evaluating the situation. More-so, has the dowry not been paid in full and consummation of the marriage has not taken place? Should the latter be the case, then she would attain the judgment in her favor to either remain with you, or move on with finalizing the divorce proceedings.

Allah certainly knows best.