Q. I am hoping to marry someone of my choosing (who is also a muslim and of a similar background to me), but my mother is refusing to consent to the marriage because she hasn’t been involved in the choosing process, and states the she has an absolute right over what decisions I finally make.  If I was to choose myself, then I would be punished by Allah in the afterlife. She is strongly against the proposal because there would not be no potential respect gained from such a marriage.
However, the girl’s parents are happy to let the marriage take place.
Please could you clarify whether it would be islamically legal if all party members other than my own parents were to consent to the proposed marriage.
I would also like to seek your advice as to whether using the motives of respect/status/honour, as in the above scenario, as an argument against the proposed marriage is islamically valid – and if this can be challenged.
I look forward to hearing your reply.

Time: Wednesday July 1, 2009

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• A. If you are about to commit adultery with her, such a person would not need a guardians consent in the nikah process. This rule applies for all mature male and females.
• No person has a right over another persons marital partner with reference to choice. They are welcome to voice their opinion. Parents can help children achieve what children want as an active helping hand.The inevitable choice would be yours, be you male or female.

The ‘girls’ parents cannot be ‘truly’ happy when it is known that the other party is detesting her presence. I would question the integrity of people that allow their daughters/sons to marry into families that remain reluctant in accepting their presence. I would also be concerned about your motives as well as state of affairs, should you be persistent without valid reason upon your intended choice of partner.

Allah Certainly Knows Best.