Assalamu Aliakum
My daughter has lived seperately from her husband due to his father not wanting him  to build on by us or rent as he feels they should save, A year later she still living with us and he with his parents and no monies saved he would buy her things if she asked but has never nifikaed her as per pay for her food, roof over her head. He left her to stay with his parents when she was about 5 months pregnantand gave her an ultimatum either she come and stay there or its over, He knew before they got married that she wud not stay there and also the fact that he has a brother who is haram to her, she has asked for a seperate dwelling outside of the house but his father refused she then found a place to rent which was affordable the father again stepped in and said he must rather buy a house  8 months later there is still no house. My daughter now feels she no longer want to be in this marriage as she feels nothing towards her husband and his family, can you please assist us in this matter Shukran

Time: August 13, 2013 at 12:11 AM

A: Walaikumsalam,

Many families attempt to use marriage as a gain for themselves and their children. This gain comes through green-card advantages, financial or social exploitation of an individual, etc. In the end, many Muslims shamelessly use marriage as a way to gather extra resources (benefits) while attempting to attain the benefits of marriage without putting into marriage that which is necessary.

A man should only get married if he can afford the basic demands of marriage. It is not fair that a man would get married while not being able to afford the basic necessities and demand full benefit from his wife.  Agreed is the fact that financial situation may turn for the worse after marriage, but to intentionally get married while not having the basic necessities is a form of oppression.

It appears that her kindness has been exploited. Since she is expecting a child, it would not be wise to end the relationship.  Instead, your daughter needs to change her approach and convince her husband that in the best interest of the family structure, they should get a simple place. If this remains impossible, request a room at his parents home. If this request is reject, maybe they can live in a room at her parents home.  Additionally, attempt to convince the husband that Allah (SWT) provides for a family, more-so when a child is involved. Married partners should believe in this hadith.

It would be best that her wali discuss in a polite manner with the husband and explain to the husband that there is a need for them to get their own place.  It would be best that this discussion occurs in the presence of a religious scholar that is experienced in such matters.

May Allah (SWT) make matters easy for all couples, ameen.

Allah Certainly Knows Best.