Assallamualaykum.

My Question Is As Follows:
What Is The Wife’s Rights Upon A Husband Who Ignores Her With Out A Sharia Reason?
Will It Be Ok If I Contact You Again Once You Have Given Thee Answer?
Ma’Salam.

Answer: Walaikum-us-salam. Similar questions have come to us prior. ‘Ignoring’ behaviors take place in various forms for multiple reasons. It is experienced in relationships, between siblings, employer/ees, family members, etc. Each person wants their rights! We sometimes forget our obligations, and what causes our problems. Humans suffer from strategic memory loss and personal praise! The following response would help bring some clarity to your concerns.

First things first: Adult 101, better known as “Your Pathway to Responsibility.”

In order for your claim to have any validity at all, you must be certain about the following points:

• You are not merely suspicious about your husband’s behavior. Is your significant other only ignoring you, or is he this way with others as well? Is there an issue in his life that is causing him to behave this way? Is he social with others and only has you on ‘ignore mode’?
• Be honest about yourself and your situation. Mature rational humans do not act out on impulses or for random purposes. What did you do to contribute to the negative atmosphere? Did people from your family/friends/confidants exploit certain of his resources for your or their benefit? Is he getting back at you? Do you violate any of his wishes? When did the negative behavior start towards to you? Or when did it escalate? What was the triggering point of the problem which has caused it to reach its peak? What was your contribution to the problem or cause for the possible unfriendliness?
• If you are wrong, then merely apologize for errors committed. An apology does not mean that everything would be akin to a usual life, just as prior. But hopefully you can learn from your errors.
• Had it been your fault, do make it clear that you would put right the wrongs. If relational commands were ignored by you, then be upfront about the matter. Sometimes we know we have done wrong, but we are too arrogant to confess our wrongs. We want the other party to tell us of our wrongs, so as to test their knowledge of our situation. This is being arrogant in the face of adversity. Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala) hates the arrogant!
• Ask for forgiveness. Sometimes people accept our forgiveness, sometimes they don’t. It would be nice to have people forgive you, but that is right a that the oppressed can withhold.
• Some people are just cold. If he is treating you in a cold manner as a result of matters beyond your control, and you honestly feel he has no reason to treat you this way, then the following added religious advice may prove beneficial to you.

Getting to the bottom of it all:

There are always two sides to all issues: (in interpersonal settings, this is something you must trust in, or you are going to cry victim; a perception of victim-hood will definitely hinder your path to a satisfying resolution).

If we are to assume the following,

• You are correct in your assessment of the matter and that you are indeed innocent and are a ‘victim’
• No specified reason exists for him to ignore you
• There is nothing else going on in your healthy lives to cause annoyance in your relationship
• He does not have any communication problems expressing himself

then under the above-mentioned conditions, it would be best for both of you to go together to a third party that can help resolve your issues. It is unnatural to have a person detest you for something you had never done. (For us, this would be most difficult to accept as true)

In turning to qualified third parties for assistance (as part of your rights):

• Turn to confiding parties that you both respect to solve your problem. If it is remotely perceived that either spouse would not value the decisions of the third party, then don’t waste your time or the 3rd parties energies;
• Make sure that the third party individual would hold your issues with superior trust, and respect both of you equally;
• The 3rd party would not be judgmental nor sympathetic to one side over the either, nor fall prey to mere tears or one sided claims;
• The 3rd party must not have a vested interest in the outcome of the case, except seeking to gain the pleasure of Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala). They would prove this behavior by not taking bribes, gifts, etc., nor would respected 3rd parties take sides so as to bloat their own ego. To find such respectable 3rd parties is difficult. They do exist;

If all else fails, or if you posses superior taqwa (piety) and trust in Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala) then we suggest:

• Turn to Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala) in greater amount
• Beg Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala) to help you make decisions that would be most beneficial
  Stay away from people who promise a quick fix to your problems (they may make it worse!)
• Read phrases from the Quran that would give you the strength to go through this difficult stage in your life. Phrases such as Ya-Rahmanu, and Ya-Raheemu would Insha-Allah help you. (However, if you are wrong and you use these phrases, it would hurt you. For Allah does not like we take His name in vain. If you are a passive oppressor, then recite these phrases not with the intent to remedy your husband, but to remedy your own heart.)
• Send lots of salutations (durood) upon the Rasulullah (sallallaahu alayhi wa sallam) and His family with this in mind that Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala) is the Changer of hearts

As far as contacting us is concerned, we prefer that both parties attend our offices with the intention to solve their issues. We do not bind any person to any agreement. Nor are we here for mere entertainment. If the parties are serious about a resolution, we would be glad be of assistance for the sake of Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala). We do not like to be one-sided. Let us know if the above response is of any benefit to your well being.

May Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala) give you and all others the relational tranquility that is sought by every human being. Ameen.

Allah certainly knows best.