Q: My family are never together and when they are its when something bad had happened and they revenge on one another and not go to eachothers things and always wanting an invintation to events? what should I do so that they can all get along and understand they only live once and holding grudges and hurting one another is bad and that at the end of the day we are Family and theres nothing better then that and I miss how we use to be. please help us all understand eachother.
Time: Sunday April 24, 2011 at 5:34 pm

A: Your matter relates to social well-being. Based on the amount of times you have sent us your query, I can tell that this matter is important to you.

Often it remains difficult to tell others what to do without creating greater possible problems.  Senior members generally know ‘what is right’ and do not find it necessary to listen to those ‘beneath’ them. Thus, sharing your feelings of harmony may be discarded. This does not mean you must give up.

When the time is right, share with your family the benefits of all people getting along in a favorable manner. Explain to them, having grudges only assists in removing positivity and festers ill feelings. It also reduces tranquility and promotes cattiness. Shaytan loves people to be in conflict. People in conflict spend most of their good energy being bitter. Bitter people have their days messed up, their nights are messed up — their life becomes a gradual chaos. Those around them begin to feel this way as well. In the process, such miserable people forget their Creator. They become addicts of the adverse. It is a continual spiral of collapse.

Sometimes a family does not know how to behave on a given adverse situation. Thus, help them redirect their negative energies. Show them alternatives to dealing with a problem. You would be amazed, at first they may not listen, down the line they would view your advice as welcoming.

Your solution: Better yet, you can start to practice aspects of harmony by not separating yourself, nor should you be grieved. Look at your situation to better assist those around you without exhausting yourself. Be the best you can to all you meet. Do not let others affect your goodwill gesture towards others. At the same time, do not get too ‘kind’ so as to get hurt; likewise do not let the ill-will of others consume you. Be your best, the rest would follow, InshaAllah,  Ameen

Allah Certainly Knows Best.