Q. Salamaulaikom
I wear a hijab and try to follow every rule of hijab such as the hijab of eyes, mind, heart um and even hands. but what do i do when a non-muslim male tries to shake hands with me for like an interview and teachers etc. I tried to cover my hand with my hijab and then shake hands with them so its not skin to skin contact but it seems odd. Should i just tell them sorry can’t do or just shake their hands since the intention is clear.
Q. did the prophet of Allah hold the hand of Umme Haraam? If so then can we?
Q. Some say we can shake hands with men. some say not. now what is it the correct answer?
Q. For job interviews can men and woman shake hands. Is it a ghunna (sin)?
Time Sent: Saturday May 30
Answer:
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Congratulations on your choice of religious dress. Your challenge of aspiring to the noblest form of dress makes Muslims and traditional Jews, Christians as well as people that believe in all the great scriptures proud of you. May Allah continue to have His Sunnah spread as a result of your positive religious adornment.
Your questions imply that you are aware of the Islamic based response and arguments pertaining to the shaking of hands between cross gender non-mahram situations. You seem to want a way to effectively deal with this matter. We shall help you likewise.
First things first:
This matter has little to do with the idea of one’s ‘intention being clear’ at the time of shaking hands. As noted below, no person could have had better intentions than the Prophet (sallallaahu alayhi wa sallam) of Islam.
His (sallallaahu alayhi wa sallam) interactions:
When He (sallallaahu alayhi wa sallam) took pledges from woman affirming that they would follow Allah (Subhanahu Wata’Ala) and the Rasulool (sallallaahu alayhi wa sallam) in all matters of deen, these pledges were taken with the female holding a cloth on one side and Rasulullah sallallaahu alayhi wa sallam) doing likewise on the cloths other end. No touch of skin ever took place. (Derived from Hadith.) Based on this alone, a piece of cloth would not function as a sufficient separation of one palm colliding upon another. In fact, in western society, ‘trying to cover your hand’ as you have indicated would make you be viewed as very unprofessional and fidgety; inevitably jeopardizing your chances of employment. (As outlined by specialist in the field of interviewing/hiring. Our response has been shared with interviewing/hiring personal, prior to its posting. They find our approach greatly acceptable, read on…)
The debate:
The debate of having cloth between palms of nonmahram participants has arisen in modern times with persons seeking excuses to fulfill their desires, with an accusation being placed upon Imaam Shafee for being part of such a view. This claim is false as outlined by the Shafee scholars such as Imaam Nawawee. All Scholars have prohibited looking at strange (non-mahram) woman. If looking is prohibited between them, no person would ever argue that touching a ghair-Mahram could ever be sharia compliant action.
So how did people claim shaking hands can be done?
(The case of Umme Haraam)
She would be seated with Rasulullah sallallaahu alayhi wa sallam). She fed and even touched the hair of Rasulullah sallallaahu alayhi wa sallam). What is not generally mentioned is that Umme Haraam was not amongst the category of woman that Raulullah sallallaahu alayhi wa sallam) could ever marry. Thus, shaking her hands would be most acceptable, should this have ever occurred. This has been mentioned by Imaam nawawee.
Fath-ul-bari – a text which remains as one of the greatest commentary books on the works of Imaam Bukari adds that even if she could be married to the Rasool (SAW), this incident remains specific to the Rasulool sallallaahu alayhi wa sallam) and cannot be generalized to all persons! As known, many issues remain specific to the Prophet sallallaahu alayhi wa sallam), and this too is part of deen. Thus, the Hadith being used as allowance for woman and men to shake hands is taken out of context and functions as pure ignorance.
The hanafee position is most liberal (but read before you shake!)
The hanafee position is most liberal. It allows a man to shake the hands of an elderly woman. Most critically when there exists no desire of shared intimacy between them. Likewise, it is also allowed to look at an old woman, but not young girls/woman. As for men shaking the hands of younger woman, the same rule would apply. However, if it is even remotely perceived that an elderly man would prey upon a younger woman, then they must abstain from this handshake. (Few young men/woman find folks in their 70’s attractive or worthy of greater interaction then a mere polite greeting!)
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Tell the believing men (another place, tell to the believing) to lower their gaze and be modest. That is most pure for them. Verily Allah is aware of what they do.
If lowering the gaze is insisted upon in the quran, then touching is most certainly more arousing, and thus the handshake would be greatly prohibited for non-legitimate purposes!
So what do we do in the west?
Teachers, friends, co-workers, mechanics, doctors, best friends’ dad/mom…
If a teacher, etc. extends their hand, it would be easier to enlighten them as to our religion and Islamic culture. Teachers exist to irradiate illiteracy, their function is to educated, and for us to educate the already educated would be a task a simply accomplish. One should inform such persons as to the correct Islamic gestures, so as to make it easy for other Muslims who may be in your predicament. In an environment of diversity, this should be possible.
Employment issue is just different. For some it is linked to survival
If an employer extends their hand towards you, and it so happens that you are wearing the Islamic dressing, then it would not be asking the employer too much, when you state to them: I would be keen on shaking your hands, but I am bound by certain cultural rules that prohibit me from doing so.’ If you are not dressed like a Muslim, then for you to state the above would give you and your religion a bad reputation. For the employer would wonder, you dress and act like a disbeliever, but when it comes to the hand shake, you become pious! Part-time ‘Musliming’ is not allowed (ayah).
Reality: it’s all in the approach, this too is dawah
If one fears discrimination, and thus shakes hands with members of the opposite gender; repentance would be sort. True repentance requires making ‘good’ on a poor action. (Based on Ayah.) Thus, one way to accomplish this end; once employed (after all the handshaking was done), send a cordial note of appreciation to the new employer, primarily to show the good nature of Islam. Once your probation period is over, send a second thank you note as to how much you enjoy the company with also adding the following: I kindly seek 5 minutes quite time to pray in privacy during my lunch break without hindering our companies’ productivity or gaining attention to myself. As also noticed by our companies conservative dress code, I am also bound by certain cultural conservative rules that may seem peculiar to some. One of them includes for me to not shake the hands with members of the opposite gender. Should you observe me showing a reluctance to such a handshake, please do not be offended….Please do not be offended by my request.’ (a few more polite words can be added to conclude the note.)
Should the note sending be too cumbersome, merely ask Allah (Subhanahu Wata’Ala) for forgiveness, and try not to repeat actions that would show weakness for the standards you have chosen to maintain.
America the new
In the age of cultural diversity and sexual harassment, many companies are sensitive to such wishers. By you sending the above note, you would be helping people to attain greater level of cultural sensitivity, also helping woman/men that may insist on not shaking hands, and yet be accepted as a result of the information you have passed. This is one of the greatest forms of dawah, dawah with moderation and sensitivity to Islam and the west.
Allah Certainly Knows Best.
