Q: Assalaamu’Alaikum wa Rahmatullaahi wa Barakatuhu!

i have had relations(Hugging and kissing) with my friend. one day i asked him for marriage, he refused. After that i stopped meeting and talking to him and he also did not try to contact me. i offered salat-tobah (forgiveness) after that, because i had feelings of remorse and guilt. but i still love that man and want him as my life partner.Please guide me to right path.

Time: Monday March 29, 2010 at 2:25 am

A:

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My sister, wherever there is Allah (SWT) there is always hope. Alhamdulillah my sister, you have a hadith that brings forth a solution to your matter. You are indeed fortunate.

A sahabi approached Rasullulah (SAW) and said: a woman came to buy dates from me, instead of selling her dates, I made an advance upon her.  I got hold of her, we kissed, we hugged and we did a lot more, however, due to the Mercy of Allah, we did not commit the actual act of adultery (jima/zina). Is there hope for me Oh Rasulullah (SAW) (or i may to be in hell)? Rasulullah (SAW) was speechless and so were the sahaba as the man divulged his crime and sorrow.
Just then Jibrael (AS) descended and helped the matter by saying: Establish salah during the night and day (ayah). For we Muslims know well, salah coupled with istigfar (forgiveness) functions as an atonement for such wrongs committed.
The sahaba that were present realized that this was a very valuable concession, so they too inquired: Oh Rasulullah (SAW) is this a concession only for this sahabi or everyone? Rasulullah (SAW) responded; this concession is for everyone. (Summary version: ibn kathir from notes.)

So my sister, to be sad and grieved is normal more so when let go of in the manner you have described. It is better you find out now as to his immaturity then later in life. Allah is kind and compassionate. Just do not repeat this behavior. Do not let your grief make you despair in the Mercy of Allah (SWT.)

Advice: You need not pursue a man that does not value your body and emotions. He toyed with you (as it appears) and let you go without a sense of right and wrong. Put this matter behind you and turn towards Allah (SWT) for greater spiritual guidance. Request Allah (SWT) to find you a better partner — a more caring partner. Do not let your emotions go deeper into this matter. Do not let shaytan create more guilt than that which is necessary.

May Allah guide you and me, Ameen.

Allah Certainly Knows Best.