Hello , I am a 30 year old guy financially stable. I like a girl and want to marry her. She is beautiful and pious , agrees to all major issues like Salat , Hijab and so on. My mother is not interested as there is some bad family repute about her father. I lost my father at an early age , my mom brought me and being the only son she is very senstive about my marriage. The girl’s family is ready to give marriage to me. My mother at this point has no other girls to be looked for and even if there are I will need to negotiate with things like Hijab. I have performed salaat ul isthikhara several times but still in the same place. I feel I need to get married right now to fight fornication. Please advise what I should do now.

Jazakallah.

2009 December 14

Just some thoughts: (nothing personal, since I don’t know you, how can it be personal!)

*I am sure your mother went through a lot to grow you up, considering you had no father.

*Is this a thank you towards her? Girls ready for marriage don’t just pop up over night. Give your mother time, don’t rush her. If she refuses marriage for you, then the matter would be different.

*Marriage is also a call for interaction. If your mother knows ill of your future father-in-law, can you respect someone your mother knows has a poor reputation?  Can you marry a woman who knows that your mother has a possible dislike for her father? She would naturally love her father. I don’t think she’d be too proud of your mom.

*What type of ‘girl’s’ family gives their daughter when they know there is resistance? Please don’t tell us it is due to your ‘financial stability!’

*Who said you must negotiate the aspect of hijab? Are you telling me you prefer to change people? Look for a person who fits what you looking for. Don’t act desperate my, brother. Sober up. (This advice is for women as well.)

*You lack true understanding of istikharah and parental value.

*What goes around comes around.

*Don’t rush. Take your time. Fast more. Be in the company of a good pious person.

Allah Certainly Knows Best.

p.s. Do pious girls talk before marriage?