Q: Hi
Im a muslim girl living in london with strong beliefs and even tho i have been raised in a non islamic country, i have always tried my best never to do haram and have been raised the real muslim way looking after my self and actions.
I have recently fallen in love with a man oveseas and got to know him throughout my summer holiday. We want to do things the halal way and get engaged and married. However his mother is not accepting this, only because i  have been raised in a non islamic country. My heart and actions are so pure and there is no reason for her to disprove.
I have been really patient and making no arguments as i know the mother is worried for her son, thinking we will struggle in the future because of me being brought up here. What do you think i should do? Do you think the mum is right?

Time: May 13, 2015 at 10:30 AM

Answer:

Reality 1: I am very perplexed. If he is from such a religious background, and/or was raised so perfectly in an Islamic country, how did he fall in love with you in the first place?

Reality 2: People in nonIslamic countries can do a better task at being better muslims. However, many fail, no different from those that live in nonislamic countries, even though the opportunities of being a better muslim in an Islamic country is greater than that of a nonIslamic country.

When parents say no to a proposal, it is best to walk away. More-so if you can get other proposals and can abstain from haram. Experience has shown me that when you push the matter, later in the relationship, shaytan will exploit your weaknesses and magnify them to your mother-in-law. In the process, if she felt you were bad for him, she would look for errors and justify she was correct. Marriage is too sacred for you to continually prove yourself every step of the way. Married life is for hallal enjoyment. Married life is not to be filled with conflict that could have been avoided. (Being from London, in school I am sure you were made aware, Romeo and Juliet is a play, it is not to be enacted. Try not even make it a symbolic reality)

If he proposes for you through the correct channels, although the nikah would be valid, it does not mean that the seed of instability has not been planted. Act wisely. Think with your mind, give your heart a little rest.

May Allah (SWT) make your matters easy, amen.

Allah Certainly Knows Best.