Q: Asalaamulakim
I’m 19 years old, married, and a mother. Well I got married into the most WONDERFUL family and I love them all so dearly. My husbands aunty is very very close to us (she even lives Literally one minute away), she and her husband are 45+ and live by themselves. They don’t have any children, and the reason for that is because my husbands aunty has holes in her tubes, she’s tried everything she could to have a child and spent thousands of dollars trying to make it happen. She was heartbroken at the fact that she couldn’t have a baby. I see how much i   love my baby and it breaks my heart that she never felt that kind of connection with her own child the way we all do. I’ve been thinking it over and my husband and I talked about it and we want to have a baby for her. I asked her and she was so happy it looked as if she was going to cry right then and there. She has done everything and more for us, and she treats my husband and his sisters and I as if we were her own children. (She was a huge part of their life while they grew up). I love her unconditionally and I want to make her dreams come true. And I know giving up my child will be the hardest thing to do, but its all for the right reasons, and I know I will be giving him or her to a wonderful loving person. What does it say in islam about this? Please leave your feedback, all is appreciated. Thank you!

Time: January 2, 2014 at 3:54 AM

A: Walaikumsalam,

You seem like a great person. In fact, it is people like you that make the world a more loving and peaceful place. May Allah (SWT) bless you and your husband in abundance for your generous consideration towards others.

It is often difficult for a mother or father to give away their child. Likewise, it often does not feel good for a child to know that they were given away without a reason beyond the idea that someone could not give birth to a child. Thus the following could be taken into consideration as part of your decision making:

• Breast feed your child, likewise, have your aunt breast feed the child as well. This will allow her to be the foster mother. This can also be part of sunnah. More so if all this is done out of a need based situation.  As you may be aware, Rasool (SAW) had a foster mother as well. Giving your child such an opportunity could be a great blessing. A breastfeeding would make your aunt the foster mother. Thereafter, you can decide as to which of you both would always feed the child.  It may prove better if one of you took on this responsibility. By your aunt breastfeeding the child, one could avoid possible hijab issues between your child and the aunt and uncle. (Depending if it’s a boy or girl.)

Or:

• Have your aunt over and/or send your child over as much as possible. This will give your family quality time; it would also give your aunt the satisfaction to take care of a baby. Additionally, if you are a working mother, this could also function in your favor. (However, do not do so for wealth, Allah (swt) does not like greedy/selfish people.)

And or:

• Allow your uncle and aunt to be active on a part time bases, this will make them feel good and give you time to reflect on yourself. Only use this method if you are not going to waste your time sitting home, surfing the net, watching movies, etc. Thus, you would send your child over for extended holidays, travels, etc while you busy yourself with other important things.

And or:

• When the child grows up, due to the positive interaction between both families,  if the child wishers to stay full-time with your aunt and uncle, it would gain you great blessings, provided it proves better for the child’s imaan that the aunt take care of him/her.

May Allah (SWT allow you to make the best decision. Make your decision after much reflection. Do not act in haste. Sit down with a good scholar, show them the above answer and have them give you additional information to best suit both your families needs.

Allah Certainly Knows Best.