Q: What is the ruling on tomb stones? Placing a stone on a grave? If the family insists? Or just wants it? Please furnish proof. If the father/mother will be distressed if it was not done. how does a muslim respond. will it differ if it is a child. (Paraphrased from phone query)

A: We appreciate the inquiry. Since your query has been presented to our religious department, we hereby try to answer accordingly.

There is no such thing as having a ‘tomb stone’ in the Quran and hadith. I suggest you furnish me proof on the contrary. However, if one has a need to identify a particular grave due to flood concerns, requirements of the state, or to prevent a grave from being dug twice without reason, one can place a marker that functions as just that, a marker. Not a boulder! Not a massive plate! Not something based on one’s personal wishes, as much as it is to be placed as part of necessity.

Muslims make the dua we are familiar with: Oh Allah make us firm upon Imaan. Take our lives (death) upon Imaan, and gather us on the Day of Judgement with Imaam.

Thus, for  a Muslim to resemble non-Muslims in matters of having a funeral/burial is a contradiction to this accepted dua. It also contradicts how the Prophet (Sallaahu alayhi wa sallam) administered funerals/burials. Our answer has nothing to do with those of other faiths being better or not, or being insensitive to parental wishes, it is just how Muslims are called upon to do things.

This is in the wisdom of Allah (Subhanahu wa Ta’aala). Thus, seldom do  we find where all the prophets (peace be upon them all) have been buried, and likewise for the sahaba (radiAllaahu anhum). This idea of marking graves beyond the necessary has led to many unwanted actions (bidaat-innovations.) As Muslims we should be aware of Islamic rules even in the time of grief, for when we remember Allah when we are grieved, it allows for our Duas to be greatly accepted, Ameen.

If a marker is needed, this marker can range from a bird dropping a seed that germinated, to a small stick or small stone. In some non-Muslim cemeteries, Muslims are required to place a name on the stone of particular size as part of identificaion. If this is the case, it should be done without extravagance and done with fulfilling the bare requirement of the cemetery by-laws.

Muslim cemeteries are private and should function under rules that are closest to Muslim burial rights. This is why Muslims are asking to be buried in a Muslim cemetery. Just as when we walk into a masjid, it would be the height of injustice for an imam to govern in accordance to the book of another faith! And I would expect the same from other faiths’ members! Likewise, it would not be befitting for a Muslim cemetery to advice and function otherwise. This is in no way calling for an implementing of Sharia law, it calling for people to decide their religious direction as per the cemetery they choose to be buried in. And it is expected that a Muslim would choose accordingly.

If religion gives us differing approved opinions in a matter, we should work on them, so long as it does not promote fitnah (troublesome spiritual outcomes.) Likewise, rulings are to be based and accepted as per majority from the works of approved and authentic scholars known as mujtahedeen, and minority opinions are used as part of dharurah (necessity, as per case/situation/context.)

How to best deal with it all:
Islam being a religion of wisdom, if the family insists on  a tomb stone, explain that this is against the Quran and Hadith as per bylaws. If they would suffer depression or other adverse issues, for each person’s tolerance level is different, those in charge may place a stone that would disintegrate itself as the parent heals from the death of parent/child, etc. It should be made clear that is done out of necessity. Although some may even view this as ‘wastage,’ as part of the maqasid (Islamic objectives) a person’s sanity is more important than a mere stone; however, Islam also expects us to follow a system that resembles that of Prophets and sahaba, and the true aslaaf (predecessors.) Thus, a person must amend incorrect ways.

Ruling in this case: Thus, a stone being placed should be negotiated  with the decision maker prior to it being placed and done only under necessity (dharrurah) and only to the extent that it is required! It cannot be placed on a whim as part of a Muslim cemetery.

May Allah unite each person with their loved ones. We sincerely wish sabr (patience) to the family. May Allah make this child be a Noor on the Day of Judgment, Ameen.

Allah Certainly Knows Best.